Irrational Fears
by intelligenceisstupid
Summary: Krad figures out Dark's strange fear...Will Dark be able to find out his, or will he never theive again?


This ia a request fic from mah homie, the Dark Hearted Shinobi. Hope you like it!

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"Hah! I win again!" The thief called out triumphantly, cradling the latest treasure against his chest as if it were his first-born son. Krad flapped enormous wings and landed in front of the exit to the museum, looking surprisingly smug considering that he had lost. "That is what you think, Mousy." He stated, pushing flaxen hair out of his eyes to see Dark's upcoming expression clearly. "But I know your weakness." The Kaito paused, silver belts and cross necklace still jangling merrily.

"Yeah? What is it?" He said disbelievingly, black leather coat stretching as he flexed his own wings. Krad gave him a tiny, polite grin and temporarily hid behind a wall of his own feathers. Then, the curtain was pulled back and Krad gestured grandly at his new outfit, poised on the tip of his toes for Dark's full viewing pleasure.

"The French." And oh, what a set of garments they were-Tanned knee-high leather pirate boots and blue silk pants frilled with lace on the bottom and up the sides of his legs. White leather gloves and a tight gold vest with embroidery. And the piece de résistance, a lace collar that nearly covered his shoulders. He sauntered over to the thief, who stood frozen in fear, and leaned very close, whispering

"_Parlez-vous francais, _Mousy?" with a barely-suppressed grin making his lips twitch. Dark did three things- dropped the piece as if it were a red-hot coal, opened his mouth, and let out a high-pitched feminine squeal of fear. "Aaaaaahhhh!" He promptly ran across the room and jumped out the window, leather pants squeaking. His testosterone came back as he flew away from the window and he shook his fist at Krad, "DAMN YOU! I'll find out what you're afraid of, just you wait!" before disappearing around a decrepit building. Krad stood alone in the round room for a few moments, then picked up the item and set it back on the pedestal.

~ How…How did you?~ Satoshi stumbled in the back of his mind, still trying to comprehend that the thief had just turned tail and ran. That and the squeal… ~ My other half and I know each other quite well. It was only a matter of process of elimination to figure out his deepest fear.~

And for the next two weeks, every night the thief would return with a new item intended to scare the White Wings, and soon Krad had all said items stacked in a neat pile in the corner of the room, waiting patiently for tonight's appearance. "Tonight, Krad, I will exact my revenge!" He heard, and something flew at him from the corridor window, which White Wings caught deftly. The Phantom stood cockily in front of him, hands on his hips, resembling closely a Goth peter pan. (With purple hair…)Krad unpeeled the thick tinfoil off the top of the round, flat object and a scrumptious, lemony scent filled his nostrils.

"This is…pie, Mousy. Lemon meringue, if I am not mistaken." Dark pointed at the dessert violently, and then began shaking his fist. "HELL YEAH! Quiver with fear, you fish-belly white bottle-blonde, because-" As he was speaking said blond flicked his wrist and a silver fork appeared in his hand, little fluffy wings carved on the end.

He interrupted, "Don't be absurd. Lemon meringue pie is delicious and would never hurt a soul." and tucked in, asking "Did you make this?" Dark scratched his head, stray purple strands rearranging. "Yeah, I had to ask Emiko to run downandbuyme- Crap that's not the point!!" He fumed, stomped his foot, and littered the room with ebony feathers once more, shouting profanities and vowing to 'get him next time.' Krad hummed with delight and sat down in the shadowed corridor to indulge in this unintentional gift he had received. ~ I had no idea he was such a good cook. I hope he thinks I fear other confections.~ Satoshi eyed the pie warily.

~ It's probably poisoned. You're not going to eat all of that, are you?~ Krad paused, fork in his mouth, and tugged back the laced white sleeves of his French outfit. ~That is my full intention, Master. Then I intend to bring us back to the apartment and skip the police meeting. Is that acceptable?~ Satoshi was tired from transforming all the time, although not as tired as he would get … Before he and Risa…He pushed her out of his mind and agreed quietly, watching with both disgust and fascination as Krad finished the pie piece by piece.

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The next day Krad arrived promptly at 6:30 pm and startled a little to find that the thief was already there, looking as smug as always. He preened himself purposefully ignoring the blonde until the irritated angel was forced to ask "What are you doing here, you Francophobe?" Dark pretended that he had just noticed him and twirled a strand of violet hair between two fingers. "Oh, nothing, just waiting to see the look on your face once I release my secret weapon." Krad leaned both ways around the Kaito and saw no imminent threat, and dusted the front of his French getup daintily. "Unless it is invisible, I have to admit I am not 'shaking in my boots', Dark."

Dark grinned and gestured in a beckoning motion down the hallway, and Krad heard a set of footsteps. "That's what you think. C'mere, katansha!"

A seven-year old boy with a pouf of blonde hair and blue eyes stepped into the room, glancing at Dark for support. The thief promptly scooped him up and balanced him on one black-leather hip, walking over with purposeful slowness to Krad. White Wings slouched over in self-defense and his French outfit melted back to regular white and gold trim. "My name's not katansha, it's Kyo." He corrected quietly, and Dark explained "Yeah, I know. Katansha means 'accomplice.'" Finally he was standing right in front of Krad, who was fighting every urge to run, and spouted, "You're afraid of children." holding out an empty tan palm. "Hand it over, Kraddycakes." Krad fingered the object in his pocket but simply glared at him, and Dark made a face. "I'll make him hug you."

"You wouldn't." Krad spat, but eyed the child warily. Dark looked down and asked "You don't mind giving the flaxen wonder a hug, do you?" Kyo looked up at Krad, hesitated, and then flung his arms around him, his little fingers deep in the fabric.

Krad could swear that he felt the germs oozing off the child and onto him, like an invisible layer of jelly. Kyo smelled like a mixture of peanut butter and Windex, and as Krad stood frozen in place Dark slipped a hand into his pocket and retrieved the item. The child promptly let go and put said fingers (No doubt smothered in disease, Krad thought.)back on Dark's 'In soviet Russia, bear fight shark on land!' t-shirt. Krad stood there trembling, then flapped his hands and rubbed his arms in an odd sort of dance, all the while spewing "Ugh that is disgusting! This is so!-I can't believe-UGH! YOU SICKEN ME!" He gathered up the pile of 'gifts' and flew off in a rather lopsided way, "CURSE YOU!" and showered both of them in feathers as he left.

Dark put Kyo down and the boy immediately asked "Can I have my five dollars now?" Emiko suddenly walked in from the place where she'd been hiding and scolded him "Kyo! What do you say to great Phantom Thieves?" You see, Emiko had agreed to look after the boy for a friend when no babysitters were available and Dark had hatched his marvelous plan as soon as he arrived. "Please?" Dark took the cash out of his pocket and handed it to him, noticing that he looked slightly dejected. "What's wrong, kiddo?" Kyo put the money in his jeans and said "None of my friends are gonna believe I helped Phantom Dark…" Dark shook his head agreeably, and called up his wings behind him. "Nah, probably not." He reached up to the long obsidian primaries and plucked one, wincing slightly. "Not without this, anyway."

Before Kyo had a chance to thank him he was already gone, racing back to the Niwa household so they wouldn't suspect him. Once there he was about to transform back into Daisuke when he noticed something on his desk. He sat up and opened the small white box, the redhead peering curiously over his shoulder.

~Something from Riku?~ Three chocolate éclairs in a neat row, a white feather balanced over the top of them. For a moment he sat there, immobile, as alert as a slug in the midday sun. Then he raised his fists and screamed to the heavens, the office chair falling over, windows shaking in their frames in the second-story bedroom-

"DAMN YOOOOUUUU, KRAAAAD!"

Far off and on the other side of the town, Krad suddenly felt extremely pleased with himself and stroked his sumptuous hair with one hand, admiring the way the sunlight made it appear to be a liquid metal… ~ I hope you enjoy your present Mousy. _J'espere que vous l'appreciez beaucoup.~ _

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Review, please! And no, you can't buy Dark's shirt. First French sentence= do you speak French?

Second French sentence =I hope you enjoy it very much.


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